Alice Pavel - Aged 8
This entry is impressively mature and a lovely story of loss and hope. It is a great and heart-rending little tragedy, racking up the tension until the clouds finally part to reveal that silver lining. We thought the writer was great at showing the emotions of their characters, and there was excellent use of descriptive and emotive language to help create a picture for the reader. Also, really fantastic vocabulary! We particularly love the symbolism of the crow and found the dog very funny!
The line, ‘the water kept on rising higher, higher and higher, flooding the family’s hearts away’ was absolutely wonderful! Furthermore, we also really liked the way personification is used – ‘ “STOP FLOOD OFF!” furiously shouted the unique house’ is an excellent line.
Overall, this was a fantastically original story idea and the emotional tale had us eager to keep reading. Well done on your fantastic use of vocabulary and emotional plot.
FLOOD
Once upon a time, not long ago, there was a happy, little family: one mum, brave, curly haired and freckled, and dad football lover, funny and best chef in the house, a girl, sporty, brunette and likes writing, and finally a dog American bulldog, greedy and silly. The kind family lived in a tiny, friendly cottage, by the countryside.
It was a sunny day, the bees were buzzing and there were no clouds in the sky, but the little girl, Alice had the great idea to go outside with mum for a dog walk and explore the magical woodland that was stretching behind their house. While they were on their walk, Alice noticed one or two dark clouds.
“Look at those rain clouds!”, she said.
“Meh, only two, they’ll soon pass away!”, replied mum.
After a little while, they all got hungry (even the dog obviously) so they headed home for dad’s delicious dinner.
That night, Alice was woken up by a strange cold stream of air that seemed to be passing through the house, moving the curtains. Out the window, the trees were moving almost in a dance.
Next day, the family were all cosy on the sofa, but suddenly, THE LIGHTS WHENT OUT! The rain started POURING and there was a LOUD KNOCK on the door! It was the neighbour telling them to leave immediately.
Just then, a flickering lightning crashed against the house!
Wait, what happened? The flood is rising!
The family had no choice but to leave. Alice said NOOOOO!
As the car drove away Alice thought what will happen to my family’s house? Will it be ok?
She placed her hand on the window and sadly muttered “Goodbye”. She felt devastated.
The water kept on rising higher, higher, and higher flooding the family’s hearts away.
After a long 6 hours drive, they reached the hotel that will be their shelter for now, and Alice went straight to bed. When the clock struck midnight, dad watched the horrifying breaking news he heard the storm was heading to the countryside. “OUR HOUSE!” screamed dad. He felt petrified!
The horrifying, huge flood shattered the clear windows to smithereens. The raging flood bashed though the doors and windows. The flood pushed the beautiful Oak tree which caused the tree to unroot.
“STOP FLOOD OFF!” furiously shouted the unique house.
The next morning, the glorious sunlight rose, the dark, cruel, and violent clouds disappeared.
There was a mysterious crow perching on an old branch.
When the family returned, they shortly gazed at the damaged house. The parents felt relief, but also worried about how they will pay for the repairs. Suddenly, they had an idea! Dad works as a chef at the hotel they were staying at, mum helps at Alice’s school, and the dog cleans the dishes.
By the time they finished work, they just enough to buy materials, although the dog brough back £0!
When they finished there were brick walls, and big back garden with a trampoline and a palm tree, and even a second floor!
The crow flew away…