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Alexia Bowden - Aged 14 

This has the makings of an enthralling but distressing YA fantasy-thriller. The descriptions of an overbearing, oppressive world reel the reader in to an accomplished introduction to adventure, replete with intrigue, risk, and action! The subtle world building allowed the reader to feel they were in the midst of the action with the characters and we were all very invested in this great plot, well-developed protagonist, and excellent ending. The twist was such a surprise but felt so right and well-depicted. Well done on this ambitious and tragic tale of rebellion and betrayal. The political themes and action scenes are fantastic, and the emotional payoff is brutal. 

The sun was finally, finally starting to set, and Naevia’s nerves thrummed with anxious energy. She shifted, letting Cassia lean against her but not making it obvious. The woman had insisted on coming, refusing to stay in the cramped, stifling room they’d spent the last year in, despite her injury. Naevia had let her, besides, her injury had healed well, with Naevia using her best efforts to stop it getting infected, all too easy in this heat.

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The slums were scorching, even at the late hour, and the stench of unwashed bodies profuse in the air. A river of unwashed bodies, stooped shoulders and rags protruding from bones swept through the slums, towards the gates to the city. Even the people in the slums were expected to see any executions, especially that of traitors.

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Naevia’s heart hammered in her chest, and she repeatedly tried wiping her sweating palms. In the end she gave up, keeping her head down and trying to blend into the crowd. Her heartbeat only sped up when she saw officers starting to line the streets, hands on sword hilts.

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Once again, Naevia’s thoughts turned to Marius. Nothing could go wrong, it wouldn’t, she’d planned this for months, hiding her tracks, perfecting timings. She trusted the people she’d used as well, people she’d known for ages just as loyal to her family and their cause as she was. It would be much harder to get everyone out at the execution, but it was the safest option compared to breaking them out. Annoyingly. And yet, so many things could still go wrong despite how hard they’d try to limit that.

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As they walked, she could feel Cassia’s eyes on her, oddly blank. It was starting to get on Naevia’s nerves, but could she blame her? She’d reassured Cassia multiple times that she wouldn’t let them hang, that she had a plan, but she hadn’t told Cass, not with her feverish state for most of the months they’d been hiding.

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At last, when they went under a large, golden archway, Cassia murmured, ‘Are you sure about this? If something goes wrong-‘

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‘It won’t. Trust me. We’ve planned everything down to the seconds. And even if something does go wrong, we’ve planned for that as well. It won’t go wrong, it won’t.’

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Cassia stared at her doubtfully for a moment, before turning her head forwards again.

‘Alright then. I trust you.’

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Naevia gave her a small, grateful smile.

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Naevia felt dread rise up in her once again as they entered a large square, famous for executions. She remembered seeing them as a little girl, hangings and beheadings. She preferred beheadings to hangings, she knew Cass hated them but at least they took away the corpses after beheadings instead of just leaving them for the vultures. Her parents had hung there once, dangling useless and forgotten. Unfortunately, it was a hanging everyone had come to see today. Hopefully, they’d be sorely disappointed- Naevia had no intentions of it being Marius’s body hanging there on that wooden stage. She had to quickly push the image of her love hanging there, eyes blank, carrion birds feasting on his flesh, lest she puke up her earlier meals.

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Naevia quickly looked around for the spot she’d already scouted out, high and out the way, but near enough she could run to the wooden stage unseen and now, Cass could also leave unnoticed. They passed unnoticed through the steadily growing crowd, as people from the slums and city packed themselves into the expansive square and streets, the noise and terrible  stench only growing. When she had helped Cass sit down on a nearby barrel, they watched, and waited, silent.

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The sun sank lower, the crowd grew bigger, until guards and people of authority started to fill the balconies high up in the buildings, standing like gods above ants. Naevia felt a familiar, ugly feeling stir in her gut. Hatred. Raw and simmering, something she’d spent cultivating over the years. But they hadn’t arrived yet, oh no, the highest balcony remained reserved once again.

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When they finally arrived, she felt Cassia tense next to her even as she gritted her own teeth. Naevia glanced over at Cass and saw the same burning hatred in her eyes that she was sure mirrored her own. All decorated in gaudy jewels and silks, with sneers they looked upon the people they’d tormented. They were no emperors, only tyrants. But that hatred quickly turned to dread when the prisoners were led up to the nooses. A row of faces she’d known since childhood, had raised her, stood before a noose each. Her eyes swiftly searched out Marius, anxiety and relief rising within her when she saw him, after so long. Covered in grime, eyes sunken, dressed in rags and still the most beautiful person she’d ever laid eyes on. His eyes caught hers, and she couldn’t help but give a small smile. He gave one back. Her gaze lingered on his for a small, blissful moment before she broke it, searching the crowd and stage for the people she knew would be there. She wasn’t sure if she would know they were there yet, but she hated the thought she’d just let Marius walk to his death.

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Naevia turned to Cass, giving a small, reassuring smile. ‘The plan will start in a moment.’ She whispered. Cassia simply nodded back gravely.

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The words of the officials standing on the balcony turned to a distant hum in Naevia’s ears as they listed off the prisoners' crimes, as time wore on her dread growing. When the two emperors, tyrants murderers rapists, stepped forward, Naevia closed her eyes and started to count the seconds. Soon… soon it had to be, unless something had gone wrong? For a moment, nothing happened, and Naevia frantically began to weave through the crowd, eyes on the lever to the trapdoors in the stage, but before she could get there, chaos was let loose. All Naevia could hear was screaming, coming from the other side of the square. Finally.

‘Naevia, wait!’

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She only spared a moment to glance back at Cassia, before starting to shove her way towards the prisoners. Amid the confusion, the screams got louder, and she could hear yelling from high above, but she kept her goal only on the prisoners. When the lever was pulled and the prisoners dropped, a collective snap of rope jerking to a halt, ignored the urge to be sick. But she suspected she was the only one who noticed as that was when the crowd started pushing against her, yelling and running as best they could in the sheer mass of bodies. And then the feeling was followed with relief as the ropes snapped and broke. They were alive.

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But then Naevia smelt smoke, and she frowned. That wasn’t part of the plan. The flames swiftly starting to eat the dark wood, bright against the night definitely weren’t part of it.

A hand grabbed her upper-arm, quickly pulling her back.

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‘Cassia, what the- we need to help!’ Cassia just stared at her, the burning stage that was beginning to smell of charred flesh, the bodies alight with flames running away from it, and then the empty balcony from up above. Marius was still in there, they wouldn’t be able to get out on time. Was that his flesh she could smell?

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‘It’s too late. Too late for any of them. They’re dead, but it’s worth it.’ Naevia could barely hear her over the chaos.

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‘What do you mean? What do you mean, it’s worth it?’ Naevia demanded, spinning Cassia around to face her as she was dragged into an alley. Cassia’s eyes were swimming with unshed tears, but also happiness. Naevia stared at her in mute horror.

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‘They’re dead, but so are they! I planned it, with a few others who didn’t know about your plan… We all agreed that their sacrifice would be worth it if those murderers died too. It’s done. It’s done, they’re dead, they’re dead, we set it up so they’d burn as well as the others. If not, the poison will do it…’

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Naevia could see Cassia’s lips moving, but couldn’t make sense of the words. Marius was dead, her love was dead, he was dead when they were so close to being free and together. She didn’t care about the emperors, Marius’s life was worth so much more than theirs.

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Cassia was still talking, looking at Naevia with bright eyes, her lips slightly forming a smile. And then that smile turned into an expression of surprise, her eyes going wide. Red blood leaked from her mouth, down her chest, red like fire.

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Naevia didn’t know why she’d done it, didn’t know why she’d stabbed her friend, but Cassia was lying on the ground, eyes glassy, a dagger buried to the hilt in her heart. Naevia looked at her dead body and felt nothing.

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Traitor.

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