Jahvel Douglas - Aged 14

This universe has clearly been very well-thought through, and we really got a great insight into Bigon’s character. This was such a fantastic extract from a clearly well-written wider piece. Your composition is very mature and we hope to read the rest some day! You incorporated some really fantastic dialogue between characters, and this really helped us understand the drama and panic between the brothers.
​
The theme of being underwater was also linked brilliantly throughout your work. We really enjoyed the comparisons and insults being aquatic themed - it gives a real sense that there has been great care to ensure the characters feel believable There were some wonderfully descriptive sections. The description of motion was particularly top notch! We also really liked the creative choice to make Bigon a flawed hero that had clearly made mistakes in the past; it makes him more relatable to the reader. 

This is an extract from the 'Adventures of Bigon', He is an underwater creature trying to protect his name and his brother. He faces an old enemy who shares his secrets, forcing him to fix his past mistakes in order to save his future.

He was back at the bar, where he met Cornelius and Farquaad with the supplies. However, something had changed. The group he had left laughing and cheering, was now staring at him blankly, like a huddle of disappointed blobfish. At first, no one said anything. But then someone piped  up and said ,'' We know why Asuri is gone.''

Another shouted '' Yeah we know it was you ''.
 
All of a sudden, there was an uproar as empty glasses, full glasses and everything in between were hurled at Bigon with speed. Shards of glass sped round like turtles in the current. Filled with fury, he ducked and ran out the bar; his only two friends soon followed.

Looking over his shoulder at the bar, he was in utter disbelief. Bigon soon realised that the Azrex had told everyone everything. He muttered curses under his breath, but he knew Azrex was right and it was his fault. Fuming and frustrated, he went to go and march back into the room, but Cornelius and Farquaad instantly grabbed an arm each, stopping him, "We uh don't think that's going to help right now!"
 
Unwillingly, he slowly spun round and walked straight off to his house. Although he wanted to storm ahead like a surging tidal wave, he purposely allowed Cornelius and Farquaad keep up... he knew they were on his side.

Out of the darkness, as they neared his house, Azrex appeared. Chuckling. He said '' I knew it, they were bound to turn on you''.
Bigon stopped abruptly. A deathly stare was cast upon Bigon's mortal enemy yet Azrex kept laughing as Bigon swung open the door to his house.
 
''What happened in the bar when I was gone'' Bigon questioned nervously.
 
''well um er'' Farquaad stuttered, ''the messenger told everyone that you are the reason Asuri is missing''.
Bigon abruptly stopped and he muttered ''that stupid, taddle tale of a jellyfish. Urh''. Knowing that Azrex was out of the front door, he stormed off through the back door into the kelp forest, shouting back to his friends,'' I've been to the prison I know what it is like, I know a shortcut meet me at the prison''.
 
''Okay '' Farquaad and Cornelius said in unison.
 
As Bigon floated through the isolated seats where seaweed and coral stretched up the walls, he thought about how Azrex was right: this was his fault, and he was to blame. Sadly, he knew he could have done something different, something better, something where his brother wouldn't be stuck in a cell. With a melancholic look, Bigon drifted like a jellyfish towards the end of the underwater village, which had once been a place of joy for him, and he kept moving towards the prison.
 
He marched through the black gates of the prison - one had been left ajar- the sound of his brother's cries echoed throughout the prison as Bigon shouted, ''Hold on Asuri I'm coming''. All of a sudden, he heard heavy thuds coming from behind him. Regretting his decision to discard his well-crafted plan, he charged ahead, determined to free his brother from the mess he had made.
 
Despite the twenty odd guards bolting towards him, he was fast, but he had forgotten he was not used to running on land, so the  guards caught up with him easily. Burly and powerful, they gripped his webbed limbs so that he could not escape and they  steered his shimmering body down to the prison cells. Out of the silence, Bigon heard Asuri's shrill voice from the cell adjacent to him, ''I knew it. You've always been the cocky one, of course you would get captured while trying to save me. You're worthless Bigon'', Asuri screamed spitefully.
 
Even though he knew he Asuri was speaking from anger, Bigon couldn't help but growl back, "Oh yeah, sure, it was all my idea to do this. You don't think you have any responsibility here. Anyway, this is all part of my plan; it's fine." Asuri faced away. Quietly though, ignoring Asuri's shouted response, he prayed to the octopus that ruled the ocean that Cornelius and Farquaad  would save them both soon.
 
Out of the Gloom, Cornelius and Farquaad arrived in shackles, painted in cuts and scrapes to go along with their dried out skin. Shaking his head in bemusement, Bigon didn't know what to do; it had only taken three days for his friends to be captured.
 
Asuri turned round to look at Bigon ''Really Bigon, is this your plan for you to be captured as well as your back up, so now we are stuck here forever, cause it's not like the whole village can help us, you are truly pathetic.''
 
Tired and weary, Bigon just shook his head as he muttered, "well Asuri, what's your plan? You got stuck in here too!"

THREE DAYS LATER...
 
'Bigon we've sat here watching and watching and watching, for three days, surely you have hatched a plan by  now.'' Asuri said in frustration. Bigon had 'hatched a plan'; he knew exactly what he wanted to do, but before he shared it with everyone Bigon knew he wanted Asuri to apologise for his tone.
 
''I've got it'' Bigon shouted joyfully. Asuri, who had been whinging for days, finally calmed down as he looked at Bigon and waited patiently to hear the plan. ''So, guys, while you lot have been sitting here whining, I have been watching, when the guards change shifts at midnight and noon we run for it'' Bigon said. 
 
''But we don't have a key'' Farquaad said.
 
''Now that is it my young Farquaad: I found one on the floor, after it fell out a guard's pocket, so I grabbed it.'' Bigon said deviously. Bigon shoved his arm through the corroded metal bars of the cell, before twisting and turning to hear a click and the door swung open with a loud bang. Bigon unlocked Asuri's cell door before sneaking away into the darkness, Farquaad and Cornelius close behind.
 
Bigon instructed for them to be quiet as they approached the back gates of the prison. Cold and wet the small rectangular gate was near, they trudged along the muddy path.
​
Bigon tried every key until, finally it opened.
 
They heard crashes and thuds as a fleet of guards came rushing out the prison as well.
 
Everyone suddenly felt like they had lived on the land for years as they sprinted to the water. It was like Bigon was in slow-motion, his friends could hear the sheer pain in his voice as he let out a yelp while slamming head first into a blunt rock after Bigon slipped on the piece of sea weed.
 
The guards surrounded him.
 
He had been caught.
 
Again.