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LillyAnna Doherty - Aged 12

A beginning layered in intrigue soon develops into a genre-bending psychological-thriller. This is an exciting and dynamic adventure full of twists, spooky atmosphere, swift pacing, family drama, and one maniacal villain mastermind! The plot is great, and we liked the way the concept of a physical and metaphorical underground is woven through this text. We thought the characterisation was particularly strong and really helped shape Nedra into an unlikeable character that we could understand. Excellent job in creating the perfect thriller!

She felt so alone that the voices in her head overwhelmed her with guilt, as she sat in the back of the car with handcuffs on. Instead of sitting in the back of a limo with diamond bracelets shining on her dainty wrists.

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I believe I have skipped a few chapters, let’s go back in time 1 week prior…

 

Nedra was her name, which is ironic because in old English it means underground, which you will fully understand later. Nedra was a kind young girl, (when she got want she wanted).

She was very wealthy, unlike her friend Arthur, he was the opposite of Nedra, he had untidy brown hair like a shaggy dog, green eyes that look like emeralds, and could be described as larger than other teenagers his age. He also lived in a small shed at the bottom of Nedra’s garden part of the Velma mansion estate.

 

“Hey Nedra, would you like to come round my house later?” suggested Arthur one sunny morning.

 

Little did he know Nedra had a surprise for him “You mean my house; you live here too!” she exclaimed hugging Arthur.

 

They have been friends since birth, as Arthurs parents had worked for the Velma family for decades. They both ran inside, the surprise was …that Nedra’s Father had created a room in the house for Arthur.

 

It had all of his favourite things ranging from: a full-size snooker table, radio equipment and a private butler to wait hand and foot on him. Arthur burst into tears; nobody had ever given him anything quite like this before.

 

“All of this for me, why? “He sniffled admiring every piece of his new room.

 

When suddenly, he found a hidden camera. Not just one camera, but one in every corner of the room. Arthur had always had a love of all things technical, and nothing held him back, but this was the one time they he was stumped. Arthur Bunnings was stumped!

 

“Are you ok?” questioned Nedra putting one of her soft hands onto Arthur’s, plump shoulder.

 

“Huh? Oh, yeah fine thanks” he replied emptily as Arthur walked sluggishly back to her.

 

“Ok, if you say so” Nedra said sarcastically. “Anyway, it’s getting late we best be off to bed.

 

“She cautioned Arthur, “Father doesn’t like anyone out of bed after curfew, so make sure you don’t set foot out of your room after 9pm.” She stressed.

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First 10pm then 11pm then 12 now 1. Arther lay in bed tossing and turning. All different question flooded his head, but the most important questions was why wasn’t he allowed to get out of bed after curfew. 10 minutes passed of him trying to pluck up the courage to step out of his luxurious bed, but he put is foot down. Quite literally one of his plump feet lay flat on the cold ground then the other foot. Nothing. Now one step two steps and… “what are you doing out of bed Arther” said a very similar voice.

 

“Nedra?!” he exclaimed sprinting into her room only to find her … asleep in her bed. With a sigh of relief, her started to walk back to his room. When, bang! Arthur had fallen through a trap door. “AHH!” he screamed as he fell down, down into a cellar. He hit the floor with a loud bang and got knocked out cold. As he lay unconscious on the ice cold, dark, danky floor, Nedra tied his hands and legs to a chair and waited for Arthur to gain consciousness

 

“What do you want from me Nedra?” Arthur asked when he came too.

 

“We need more recruits for our secret spy service.

 

“What secret spy service?” he asked.

 

“My German spy service. You should of listened when I said not to come out of your room now, I have to make you apart of the service.” Nedra said cackling to herself.

 

Just then, he spotted a long, thin, dusty passageway out of the corner of his eye. “Martha get me the brain washer 3000” she ordered the woman at the desk.

 

“Mum?” Arther said to the woman as she brought the machine to Nedra.

 

“No, I have no children” Martha said blankly as she went to sit at her desk in the corner of the cellar. Arthur new he had to escape but not without help.

 

Nedra put the brain washing machine onto his head then fitted it. After a few minutes she left the room leaving Arthur and Martha alone in the cellar.

 

“Come on we do not have much time. Oh, my daring son how I have missed you. That girl is Satan herself let us put a stop to this once and for all. Your farther should be here any second now.” Martha panickily said, untying her little boy.

 

“oh my little solider in never thought I would see you again all I ever wanted to do was protect you from all this come on I know the way out of the hell hole. Follow me but we have to be swift.” Carter said hugging his pride and joy close to him.

 

They sprinted through the passageway turning right then a sharp left and that brought them to the old sewer exit. Arthur went first with Martha pushing him up then Martha herself ascended into the real world once again then finally Carter was able to make a fast escape from the nightmare that has lasted a lifetime which had taken a mother and farther away from their only child, preventing them from watch Arthur grow into a young man.

 

A field was Infront of them and they knew speed was at the essace before Nedra sent the secret service to assassinate them all. A village was upon them and they felt like they had been running for century’s and finally stayed an a local inn a few miles from the police station.

They acquired the key to a room in the inn. Where they sat Arthur down and started to tell in what happened.

 

“it all happened on fatal day in 1926 when I fell through the same trap door you did whilst cleaning the house. And Nedra’s farther saw me fall so I was threatened that if I didn’t stay down there and worked for them that they would kill you. So that’s why they told you I was dead for so long.” Martha explained to him trying to hold back tears.

 

“ I thought just the same as you I thought that my beautiful wife was gone but while I was getting water for Nedra I heard something coming from below the floor but I didn’t think that they had cellar so I pulled back the carpet and found an entrance to something. It had been 5 years since your mother wasn’t here. I thought she may have been trapped the on accident but when I went down there I found your mother and Nedra’s farther gave me the same threat as your mother. But we have a long day ahead of us so get some sleep.” Carter said tucking Arthur into his bed.

 

In the morning they set off early to get to the police station before there was lots of people trying to file a report. They told the police officer everything. they gave names and the address. They immediately went to the police cars and drove to the house.

 

“Miss Nedra Velma you are under arrest for running an illegal service and having possession of illegal machinery. Anything you say will be used against in court.” The police officer said putting handcuffs on Nedra and shoving her in the back of the police car.

 

She felt so alone that the voices in her head overwhelmed her with guilt, as she sat in the back of the car with handcuffs on. Instead of sitting in the back of a limo with diamond bracelets shining on her dainty wrists. She had no other friends but had no choice but to make him join. Her father was never proud of her and she did what she felt was going to get her father’s approval.

 

Nedra Velma was sentenced to life in prison, Nedra’s farther was also caught trying to re start another illegal service and was also sent to life in prison, last but certainly not least Arthur, Martha and Carter went on to live a financially comfortable and happy family. They were also awarded a bravery medal by queen Elizabeth II.

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